chickens

i used to love eggs until my friend described them as chicken periods, now i can't eat eggs.

all dogs go to heaven...

forgive me for being a trifle soft but bolt, the film, is really good...it also, without fail, makes me weep every time i watch it. luckily i have only watched it on my own so far (three times in two weeks) and not with a totally awesome babe. i think it's the undying love that bolt shows his owner, blind devotion and moral lunacy. he reminds me of my old dog, benji. benji was a hero, no matter how many times you left the house in a day, regardless of duration or time, he would absolutely shit his pants when you returned (he didn't wear pants, but if he did, they would have a jackson pollock on the back) i loved benji and benji loved me, we both still do in fact, i can sense his little doggie brain still wagging his tail at the thought of me coming home.

anyway, in ste and adam's year at school there was this 'special' kid that couldn't write very well and when he wrote his personal statement in his final year at high school he summed up the last six years with 'i lik futdol...' let me translate, what he meant to say was 'i like football...' i remembered that today and it made me giggle, here's a picture for you my illiterate friend, for bringing an upside to this otherwise dreary morning in preston...

p.s. i know i don't use capital letters...because i don't want to.

real life modern combat

i just remembered something that was awesome that i completely forgot about, i was going to the cinema with helen (must have been years ago) to see pirates of the carribean. the film didn't start for another hour so we went to a nearby pub on the docks. we got drinks (coca cola for helen and johnny walker for me) and played a little itbox then took a seat by the window overlooking the green litter ridden docks...a normal night...or so we thought.

we see a policeman walk down the docks and start talking to someone, this is when i realise that the policeman has a massive assault rifle! before I had time to explain this to Helen my words were stifled by tear gas that was now pouring into the building. the back fire exit was blown open by charges placed by a professional then another officer came into the building, 'everybody out! now!' he screamed, he also had an assault rifle. We ran outside to see helicopters and police cars screaming past us. each officer had a customised gun, with either tear gas or a frag grenade, one even had a sniper rifle for long range combat. I showed one my pistol and he said it was sweet. he wouldn't let me hold his rifle. another had a reflex scope and others laser sight. anyway, I finished my drink and we went back inside the building, all the police went and everyone just sat back down and finished their drinks. pirates of the carribean 3 was shit.

p.s.
15% of this story may be false.

p.p.s
i did see loads of sweet assault rifles and the film was shit

i put up a picture i found of a guy made out of dicks too. because it's funny

royally rumbled

This is a picture from Ireland, I went there like a month ago, got blasted, took some pictures. I decided to start putting my pictures up here because I want to. I have also started a shiny new project called thirty six. I'm very excited about it, it'll be my first venture into animation/film. I'll put some pictures up when I can. I've been having an outrageously good time with Andy Pye, Ben Upson and Joshua Waite...my body is paying the price though, I think I only have a couple more parties left in me, then again, it is royal rumble time on sunday...

the gasman: a new hope

yo, i haven't written anything for a while. since i spoke to you last i have;
started university
got a new girlfriend
she moved in
she moved out
got a new job in a cocktail bar
read ham on rye
drank a LOT
made new friends (craig is still here though)
met old friends
been a best man
got really really tired

early mornings suck ass, i have to get up at eight to get to uni for ten (it's in manchester) which blows, i have to spend half my day on trains which blows and i'm lucky of i get four hours sleep which blows. on the plus side though, aldi have started selling one point five litres of merlot for four quid and i'm a really good bowler now...well not really but i try hard.

another reason to be happy is that zombieland is out now, it's got woody harrelson in and he kills loads of zombies.

god knows i love zombie films.

anyway, new post, new life, adventure time.

p.s. oh yeah i'm reading hollywood now by bukowski and it's amazing.

cabin fever

so after walking around on my own for a while i realise that if i'm not;
a)drinking
b)working
c)with pat
d)getting laid
i actually have nothing to do, the last two days have been spent walking around town (which in preston is not a pleasant experience) or sat at home on the internet (i am not the most exciting company, hence the walking). i started thinking about things, mainly how there are lots of horrible people prowling the streets of preston, i came around to start thinking about how people can be divided up into different groups and then tried to ellaborate on this weary ,classifist theory. in my opinion i think people can be one of two things...people that do things for themselves and people that do things for other people, with this though i found a lot of grey areas, so i thought 'shit, that'll never work' and thought some more, after around forty five seconds later i thought 'shit, it doesn't work because there is no difference in those two groups'. the people that do things for themselves...mostly...is pretty self explanitory to a certain degree, but what about the people that do things for others? why do they only do things for others? they don't...pretty much. the only reason i felt that most people do things for others because of some kind of self gain whether it be physical or self gratification etcetera. which i thought was kind of depressing. but who can blame them? that's society, that's how we're brought up, that's the world around us...capitalism, can anyone really be blamed for wanting to help themselves? and can it really be looked down upon? the fact that people help others to help themselves? is an act that is intrinsically bad but have a good outcome good or bad? does the outcome outweigh the act? is it helping somebody under false pretenses? or true nature? hard to say really, i think if good things happen...even for the wrong reason...then fuck it, who cares how we got to the outcome? we got here and that's all that counts. i also beleive i have been watching way too much arrested development. good day to you.

tizer feet

so the other night i go for a quiet drink with an old friend, meet his family, talk about the good old days etcetera. after a couple of hours he leaves...then i meet sister samp. the quiet drink soon turned into a booze and pain marathon. including classic games such as...'fall down stairs head first with your arms behind your back' and who can forget 'ride down stairs on a bike with your eyes closed' but the best part of the night had to be swimming in the fountain at avenham park at seven on the morning. luckily the water was only like a foot deep, because i can't swim (especially after a twelve hour booze sesh) and would have definatley drowned...sister samp is a strong swimmer though so i think i would have been okay. i dived off the fountain, it was the best dive ever 'the jesus bared our sins drop'. then we got lost loads and drank some more becks...a sweet night. work the next day was horrible, but none the less...i got boozed up after work and had another sweet night. oh yeah forgot to say...i think the fountain water made me ill, i have tizer feet...they have gone bright red and hurt, i also have stomach pains...the water was like sewer water...sister samp washed her cut finger in it so i guess she's going to be ill aswell. ah well sux2beme.com/sucka.