gin and juice...

last night i went out with my new friend jade, it was a pretty normal night until we got fucking ruined and acted like spastics, jade was even so kind as to show loads of people her minge. that's why i like her, she's a massive spastic. i stumbled into a takeaway and told a bunch of people 'you look like you're in fucking klaxons' and then some dude went 'i am in klaxons' to which i replied 'no you're not' then he said 'yes i am' and i said 'oh shit yeah you are', he was very nice. i then stumbled to the train station and slept there, which wasn't all that bad.

when i was younger students used to get fucked up all the time, these days...not so much. whatever happened to my rock and roll? where did all the fun go?

sex, drugs and spoken word...

p.s. i just found out that it wasn't the dude from klaxons, i was just so fucking drunk that i thought he was. sux2bthegasman.

chickens

i used to love eggs until my friend described them as chicken periods, now i can't eat eggs.

all dogs go to heaven...

forgive me for being a trifle soft but bolt, the film, is really good...it also, without fail, makes me weep every time i watch it. luckily i have only watched it on my own so far (three times in two weeks) and not with a totally awesome babe. i think it's the undying love that bolt shows his owner, blind devotion and moral lunacy. he reminds me of my old dog, benji. benji was a hero, no matter how many times you left the house in a day, regardless of duration or time, he would absolutely shit his pants when you returned (he didn't wear pants, but if he did, they would have a jackson pollock on the back) i loved benji and benji loved me, we both still do in fact, i can sense his little doggie brain still wagging his tail at the thought of me coming home.

anyway, in ste and adam's year at school there was this 'special' kid that couldn't write very well and when he wrote his personal statement in his final year at high school he summed up the last six years with 'i lik futdol...' let me translate, what he meant to say was 'i like football...' i remembered that today and it made me giggle, here's a picture for you my illiterate friend, for bringing an upside to this otherwise dreary morning in preston...

p.s. i know i don't use capital letters...because i don't want to.

real life modern combat

i just remembered something that was awesome that i completely forgot about, i was going to the cinema with helen (must have been years ago) to see pirates of the carribean. the film didn't start for another hour so we went to a nearby pub on the docks. we got drinks (coca cola for helen and johnny walker for me) and played a little itbox then took a seat by the window overlooking the green litter ridden docks...a normal night...or so we thought.

we see a policeman walk down the docks and start talking to someone, this is when i realise that the policeman has a massive assault rifle! before I had time to explain this to Helen my words were stifled by tear gas that was now pouring into the building. the back fire exit was blown open by charges placed by a professional then another officer came into the building, 'everybody out! now!' he screamed, he also had an assault rifle. We ran outside to see helicopters and police cars screaming past us. each officer had a customised gun, with either tear gas or a frag grenade, one even had a sniper rifle for long range combat. I showed one my pistol and he said it was sweet. he wouldn't let me hold his rifle. another had a reflex scope and others laser sight. anyway, I finished my drink and we went back inside the building, all the police went and everyone just sat back down and finished their drinks. pirates of the carribean 3 was shit.

p.s.
15% of this story may be false.

p.p.s
i did see loads of sweet assault rifles and the film was shit

i put up a picture i found of a guy made out of dicks too. because it's funny

royally rumbled

This is a picture from Ireland, I went there like a month ago, got blasted, took some pictures. I decided to start putting my pictures up here because I want to. I have also started a shiny new project called thirty six. I'm very excited about it, it'll be my first venture into animation/film. I'll put some pictures up when I can. I've been having an outrageously good time with Andy Pye, Ben Upson and Joshua Waite...my body is paying the price though, I think I only have a couple more parties left in me, then again, it is royal rumble time on sunday...